Yes, yes, I've been blog-slacking. Truth is, I have about a dozen "drafts" in the box that just haven't seen completion in the past few weeks. It's a combination of recovering from a nasty battle with bronchitis, some very charged race stuff going on at work, and the overall insanity of the holiday start up. So, here is a quick one from me -- timely, no less, given that it's the start of the traditions I abhor the most... GIFTS.
I've written about the following ad nauseum: I am a terrible gift giver. There is just something about the materialistic nature of "gift giving" that makes me crazy. I absolutely believe that Joli's illness was one of the best things that could have happened to our family. Prior to her illness, I was a shop-a-holic. I loved giving gifts, receiving gifts, buying things for absolutely no reason at all, and loved collecting items. Once Joli got sick, I felt such an aversion to "things." We didn't buy much of anything when she was in treatment (mostly because all of our money was going to medical related expenses). That Christmas, we were the recipients of one of those "giving trees" that people do at work. You know, the one where you get an anonymous tag that says "2-year old girl" and bring the gift into work? We had no idea, but our visiting nurse had put Joli's name on a number of different trees. Two days before Christmas, our tree had just a few presents underneath. On Christmas Eve, an ambulance pulled into our driveway, and a few EMTs came to our door and delivered about two dozen gift boxes for Joli!! I began sobbing at the sight of all the presents.
While we were so thankful for all the gifts we received from anonymous donors, I still felt an aversion to spending money on anything superficial. Despite our forced frugal living, I still chose to live with very little luxury during Joli's treatment. And, truth is, we have still kept it up. I rarely shop for anything that we don't need, and have only recently begun to allow myself a rare treat (hello, new iPhone -- though, I was using a phone with no "7" button!)
What I find most difficult, though, is buying "stuff". Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Valentines Day, Weddings.... people rarely get gifts from me. (feel free to gasp here) Now, my siblings give me plenty of crap for it, don't worry. They shake their heads, call me "cheap", and are embarrassed by my non-gift-giving policy. But, I just can't bring myself to buy things for people who already have basements, attics and bedrooms full of "stuff." I think of all the people who have nothing -- whether by choice or by circumstance -- and it pains me to buy yet another toy for a kid who already has bins of toys.
My exception to the rule? Buying a thank you gift. If someone has done something so amazing that words cannot even express my gratitude, I truly enjoy surprising them with a little thank you gift. Honestly, that's quite possibly my only exception. I find such joy in buying a thank you gift for someone!
My gift aversion has also helped me to discover more environmentally friendly ways to give. I love using Freecycle. If you haven't gotten into Freecycle yet, I encourage you to find the one in your local town/city. Unlike Craigslist, people who join Freecycle agree that they will not charge (nor re-sell) for any items. It's a way to keep waste out of our landfills and to be a resource for your local community. I've Freecycled clothes, books, baby gear, etc., and it has felt so good knowing that I'm a) not contributing to landfill waste, b) helping out someone directly in my town, and c) giving of what I already have as opposed to spending money on more junk.
So, how does this all fit in with this upcoming season of gift gluttony? Find ways to give to a friend/kid that limit the amount of waste in our landfills and in people's homes. For kids, help teach them that time and love are much more valuable than plastic and wrapping. Here are some ideas of things to give:
1. A "day out" with you where you treat for lunch and a movie
2. A membership to a local museum
3. A book that you've found on Freecycle or at a book exchange
4. something homemade that uses existing materials in your house (a friend had her 6-year old son make me an awesome sea shell magnet for my birthday! it's one of my favorite gifts so far!)
On the receiving end? See beyond a "new" gift. Help kids to redefine what it means to feel loved and to be shown love. More presents does not equal more love.
My family is far from perfect. We, too, have a basement full of toys -- many of which have not been played with since they were opened. We have toy boxes overflowing with dolls, stuffed animals, and books. We have a doll house (the combined gift for my 2 girls last year) which was played with for about a month and then retired to the cold basement. Every time I go downstairs to do laundry, I feel embarrassed by how much my children have, and am reminded of how little others have. I mentally add up all the money (spent on toys) that is sitting in that basement and can't help but think of how many trips to the hospital that could pay for, how many nights in the parking garage, how many bottles of Pediasure, and how many co-payments that could have covered for any of our cancer families. I think of all the fundraisers we have done this past year to help ease the financial burden of some of our cancer friends, and think that there is at least that amount of money in just ONE of the toy boxes.
My kids like toys. I like a nice treat. We all deserve something that makes us feel good. And, in this spirit of the season, I encourage you to find ways to share love, time, interest, and hope in ways that transcend plastic, wrapping, and those damn twistie ties that hold the toys to the cardboard.
If we can teach our children that what's on the inside is more valuable than what's on the outside, we give them some of the greatest gifts: the gift of believing they are worth our time and our love.
What gifts will you give your children? Your friends? Your family this year?