PROXIMITY: TAKING ACTION FOR BELONGING DURING CHALLENGING TIMES
Proximity: the closeness and distance we are from certain identities and experiences (Talusan, 2022)
In Chapter 9 of The Identity Conscious Educator: Building habits and skills for more inclusive schools, I share an activity that has truly transformed my own teaching, leading, learning, advising, and decision-making. It is an activity called “Proximity” and it involves mapping one’s social identifiers in terms of “distance.” Essentially, which of your identities and experiences are CORE to you; which are IMPORTANT BUT HAVE SOME ROOM; and WHICH ARE YOU FAR AWAY FROM.
Over the past few weeks, I have been deeply reflecting on the ongoing and historical conflicts in the geographic areas we have come to refer to as Israel, Gaza, West Bank, and Palestine. As of the writing of this piece in mid-November, there is has been escalated violence in this region; escalation in anti-semitism and Islamophobia here in the United States; and escalated discourse in our schools, leadership teams, boards of trustees, communities, between families, and friends.
I start with the notion of proximity because, as I write in my book, it is important to name when we are close to an issue or far from an issue because that context matters. Therefore, it is important for me to name that, when I map out my own proximity to Israel, Jewish identity, Palestine, Islam, Middle East politics, etc – I am so very, very, very far. If you’ve done this exercise with me, these identities and experiences would be at the very edge of the outer circle. Growing up in a predominantly Irish/Italian and Catholic community, there were very few students who did not identify as Catholic or Christian in my experience; other than textbooks, I did not learn much beyond what is likely the basics of history.
As I continue my proximity mapping, there are experiences that do feel very core and important to me: fear, violence, trauma, oppression, systemic racism, inequity, settler colonialism, military rule, oppressive governments, misrepresentation and misalignment with government officials. These things feel very close to me.
I have remained mostly - not entirely - quiet about my participation in these dialogues because, in some way, I feel so far. In other ways, I know that it is important that I engage. One lesson I share in my workshops, a story I tell in Chapter 9 in the book, is that I don’t want to look away. I don’t want to look away when people are hurting. I don’t want to look away when people are suffering. And, I don’t want to look away just because I don’t know enough.
IN A FEW WEEKS, me and about 6,000 other people are headed to a conference that, lovingly, we call The Family Reunion. It is the People of Color Conference, and it truly is one of the most joyous events of my year. While conditions surrounding the conference have been challenging the past few years – mostly with people of ill-intent trying to destroy what makes the conference beautiful and necessary – I wonder if there are people who are trying to anticipate what the climate will feel like related to what’s happening in the world. I know that many people of color, some who identify as Directors of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, have been navigating challenging situations related to school leadership, families, and fostering belonging. Parents and caring adults, along with faculty, staff, and school leaders, have been trying to reconcile the role of schools during this time.
Do we send a statement?
Do we not?
What does that statement say?
Who does it support?
Who does it leave out?
Who is impacted by making a statement?
Who is impacted by not?
What do we risk with our language?
What conflicts does this solve?
What conflicts does this create?
Can schools be places of neutrality? What does that mean? What doesn’t that mean?
Do we send a statement for everything? If not, what are the parameters?
I certainly do not envy the role of school leaders, especially those who are deeply committed to belonging. After all, in this particular time, it feels as if no statement goes far enough, and every statement goes too far. The most common phrase I have heard on leadership teams these past few weeks has been, “The only thing I do know is that there will always be someone very disappointed in me.” I disagree. If disappointment is the worst thing that happens, it is a pretty low bar. I believe there is much more at risk when a school/organization does not center belonging in this discourse.
I invite you, individually or collectively, to engage in a difficult conversation of these questions as your school seeks to commit to belonging:
What is the mission of our school/organization?
What is the purpose of what we do?
How do we express our mission, values, and goals as an organization?
Given the current situation, how might we align our mission, values, and goals in our actions?
If we are committed to belonging, who do we believe is worthy of belonging here at our school/organization?
If that is true, then what is the evidence of this?
Who do we believe is not worthy of belonging here?
What actions are we taking or not taking that are impacting belonging?
Which groups/individuals might be most impacted by our action or lack of action?
In our current community, who is worthy of being heard? Who is not worthy of being heard?
Why? What is the evidence of this?
What actions do we believe we need to start doing, stop doing, change or continue to express our values related to belonging?
What conflicts or risks will we face if we express our values as actions?
What questions do we need to ask of ourselves and/or others in order to better understand what is being experienced in our community?
For those of us attending and participating in PoCC in a few weeks, I ask that we also engage in reflection about the kind of community we want to shape for each other during that week. We can ask ourselves the same questions above about “belonging” during the conference.
How do we hold space for pain, frustration, anxiety, joy, and celebration? How do we listen with curiosity and engage in accountability? What do we need to start, stop, change, or continue at PoCC in order to create belonging - the removal of oppressive boundaries so that people can be their fullest selves? I ask that we, headed into PoCC, proactively consider what this looks like and feels like.
And in the end, I wish us all peace and collective compassion.
Liza